God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
