I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
