DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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