i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
