My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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