How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can Purell be used as lube?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
