p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
