Whod you bang
I am puke
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
