Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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