he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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