Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
