and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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