Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize