Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
