apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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