I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sober January is a disaster.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
