omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize