I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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