Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
