At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize