I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this boner is exhausting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
