No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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