Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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