Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
