that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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