HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
