So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
