this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
