It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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