I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
