I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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