FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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