all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
