good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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