weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
