I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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