If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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