OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
