so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
