i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
