Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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