you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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