I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
