dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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