glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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