I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we're making bets on your personal life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
