They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
