Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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