he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
