Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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