I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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