Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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