why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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