we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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