You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
