do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
