Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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