We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
