Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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