Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
