everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
