So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
