please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize