That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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