is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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