my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i came on her dog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
