I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
