for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize