The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
