don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
