i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
