I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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