Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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